Preparing to be a Stay-at-home Wife*
The title of this post comes from a thoughtful question that was asked of us by a reader of our blog. (everydaysetapart. com) Here is what she asked: “How [do you] prepare to be a stay at home wife while being a stay at home daughter?”
First of all, I would refer back to the Daughters of Yah series we posted back in July. These are articles written by young women (some stay-at-home daughters, some not) that are all desiring, seeking, and walking in God’s will for their life. All of these daughters are beautiful and unique- as they should be! God never intended that we all be perfect little replicas of one ideal.
The title of this post comes from a thoughtful question that was asked of us by a reader of our blog. (everydaysetapart. com) Here is what she asked: “How [do you] prepare to be a stay at home wife while being a stay at home daughter?”
First of all, I would refer back to the Daughters of Yah series we posted back in July. These are articles written by young women (some stay-at-home daughters, some not) that are all desiring, seeking, and walking in God’s will for their life. All of these daughters are beautiful and unique- as they should be! God never intended that we all be perfect little replicas of one ideal.
Think about it like this- in America we all follow (or *should* follow) the same laws but within those laws there is freedom and diversity; Joe can be a Goat Herd on a mountain; George can be an acrobat and Charlie can open a Kosher Deli. God’s Word is our Christian Law and within that Law there is freedom and diversity; Naomi can study herbalism, farming, and agriculture; Samantha can choreograph her own dances and form a dance team; and Elizabeth can continue to develop her cooking skills while also taking online classes on business management. It would be a tragedy if George decided to open a restaurant because that’s what Charlie is doing (and Charlie is an excellent example of godly manhood! Shouldn’t George try to be like him??). Or if Charlie stopped pursuing his potential business because Joe’s life looks so radically different from his own. God calls us all to do different jobs and to different ways of life- So let me encourage you to be who God has called you to be, not who He’s calling Samantha to be! If you ‘seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness’ your life will be different from everyone else’s and very different from the worlds ideal.
While my sister, Naomi, was a daughter-at-home she had certain skills she sought to develop, such as; understanding and applying Scripture, herbalism, farming, agriculture, prenatal care, midwifery, mothering/child rearing, and hospitality. The way in which she pursued each of these interests might be different than the way you pursue them, if you choose to pursue them at all. She also devoted time to helping at our local food pantry/women’s shelter and thrift shop and Nannying for our neighbor. Maybe God isn’t calling you to that particular type of ministry. Naomi was able to use all these skills as a daughter-at-home and Yahweh knew that Naomi would eventually use the knowledge and materials she acquired as a stay-at-home wife. Yes, that’s right! Naomi’s life as a stay-at-home daughter prepared her to be a stay-at-home wife! If Naomi had tried to emulate the way someone else lives her life as a stay-at-home daughter then she would not have been as well prepared for her life now, as a wife to Joe. The skills she pursued as a stay-at-home daughter laid the perfect foundation for what she is learning and doing now, as a wife.
While my sister, Naomi, was a daughter-at-home she had certain skills she sought to develop, such as; understanding and applying Scripture, herbalism, farming, agriculture, prenatal care, midwifery, mothering/child rearing, and hospitality. The way in which she pursued each of these interests might be different than the way you pursue them, if you choose to pursue them at all. She also devoted time to helping at our local food pantry/women’s shelter and thrift shop and Nannying for our neighbor. Maybe God isn’t calling you to that particular type of ministry. Naomi was able to use all these skills as a daughter-at-home and Yahweh knew that Naomi would eventually use the knowledge and materials she acquired as a stay-at-home wife. Yes, that’s right! Naomi’s life as a stay-at-home daughter prepared her to be a stay-at-home wife! If Naomi had tried to emulate the way someone else lives her life as a stay-at-home daughter then she would not have been as well prepared for her life now, as a wife to Joe. The skills she pursued as a stay-at-home daughter laid the perfect foundation for what she is learning and doing now, as a wife.
Here’s a look into my life right now. My skills and interests are somewhat different from Naomi’s but we still have some things in common. I am seeking to develop skills in writing, painting, cooking, menu planning, and nannying - as well as increasing my knowledge of Scripture and its application, the Hebrew language, biblical health, and fitness, parenting and wifering (My Definition: Skills that are involved in being a good, biblical wife… surprisingly much the same as being a good daughter, sister and friend… but not exactly).
I am also following Yeshua’s (Jesus) example of a servant by serving as receptionist at a few of our local Life Centers (a pro-life organization) and shadowing in the counseling room in order to become a Peer Counselor myself. It’s important to remember that this type of outreach may not be possible for all stay-at-home daughters. I only have four younger siblings (Clayton and Sherman are 12 and 14; Lydia and Emily are 16 and 18) who do not require ‘looking after’ or cleaning up after (or shouldn’t ;) ). Also, Emily and Lydia need to learn important homemaking skill too! It wouldn’t be right for me to take over all the menu planning, cooking, cleaning etc… Don’t leave your sisters without opportunities to help in your eagerness to prepare. But also don’t leave all of the homemaking responsibilities to others while you pursue your own ministries. I have time to pursue outside ministry and you may not, that’s okay! We have no farm with animals (however, we’d like to, eventually), no elderly grandparent(s) or pregnant mom that needs my help… do you get my point? I have time. In my life, right now, I have time! And you may not. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t have time for outreach because you are doing “within-reach” by ministering in your own home. If cooking needs done, then cook. If it’s cleaning that your mother needs help with, then clean. Every life is different. But if you have the time, resources and your parent’s approval, then be the hands and feet of Jesus to the needy.
I am also following Yeshua’s (Jesus) example of a servant by serving as receptionist at a few of our local Life Centers (a pro-life organization) and shadowing in the counseling room in order to become a Peer Counselor myself. It’s important to remember that this type of outreach may not be possible for all stay-at-home daughters. I only have four younger siblings (Clayton and Sherman are 12 and 14; Lydia and Emily are 16 and 18) who do not require ‘looking after’ or cleaning up after (or shouldn’t ;) ). Also, Emily and Lydia need to learn important homemaking skill too! It wouldn’t be right for me to take over all the menu planning, cooking, cleaning etc… Don’t leave your sisters without opportunities to help in your eagerness to prepare. But also don’t leave all of the homemaking responsibilities to others while you pursue your own ministries. I have time to pursue outside ministry and you may not, that’s okay! We have no farm with animals (however, we’d like to, eventually), no elderly grandparent(s) or pregnant mom that needs my help… do you get my point? I have time. In my life, right now, I have time! And you may not. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t have time for outreach because you are doing “within-reach” by ministering in your own home. If cooking needs done, then cook. If it’s cleaning that your mother needs help with, then clean. Every life is different. But if you have the time, resources and your parent’s approval, then be the hands and feet of Jesus to the needy.
In her book, No More Wasted Years, Olivia Brodock suggests ways that women can build their skill set for both stay-at-home daughterhood and marriage. Taking a counseling course is one of the recommended things. I have wanted to volunteer with Life Centers for years but I didn’t know how, and I was too young to pursue a position as a peer counselor. Reading that suggestion in her book reminded me that I am old enough now. I talked with my parents and they agreed with Olivia; everyone at some point will offer counsel to someone, so you might as well know how to do it in a biblical, compassionate and loving way! I feel that the training and, one day, actual counseling has and will continue to equip me with skills needed to be an active listener. Being an active listener will enable me to become a better sister, friend and one day, wife.
Olivia also talks about goal setting, the importance of serving your family and how we should never stop learning. While I don’t agree with everything in Olivia’s book (such as her recommended reading list), I did find her book to be helpful and thought provoking. No More Wasted years is written in short, to-the-point chapters that are able to be read even on a busy day.
If you’re having trouble filling your days as a stay-ay-home daughter then maybe this book will help you with the different ideas Olivia gives. Talk with your parents and see if they have things for you to do at home first!
Lastly, I’d like to remind us all (including me!) that it’s important to have balance. Remember the past, so that you can learn from it- but don’t live in it. Look to the future, so that you can prepare for it- but don’t live in it. Live today. Obey what God has for you to do today. Obedience today is the best preparation for tomorrow.
Bethany
Olivia also talks about goal setting, the importance of serving your family and how we should never stop learning. While I don’t agree with everything in Olivia’s book (such as her recommended reading list), I did find her book to be helpful and thought provoking. No More Wasted years is written in short, to-the-point chapters that are able to be read even on a busy day.
If you’re having trouble filling your days as a stay-ay-home daughter then maybe this book will help you with the different ideas Olivia gives. Talk with your parents and see if they have things for you to do at home first!
Lastly, I’d like to remind us all (including me!) that it’s important to have balance. Remember the past, so that you can learn from it- but don’t live in it. Look to the future, so that you can prepare for it- but don’t live in it. Live today. Obey what God has for you to do today. Obedience today is the best preparation for tomorrow.
Bethany
*in case it isn't clear enough from the post; being a stay-at-home wife or daughter does not mean that we stay at home all day, everyday. In fact, the opposite is true! I am busy inside and outside the home! A stay-at-home daughter is a woman who chooses to remain in her parents home until marriage. Living at home has many advantages to both daughter and parents, spiritually, financially etc. However, it is not for everyone, every situation is different.
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