I understand that everyone has their own opinions and is in different circumstances. I am sorry
if this article comes across as rude or condemning- I assure you that is not my intention.
What it isn’t
There are as many misconceptions and misunderstandings
about stay-at-home Daughterhood as there are about homeschooling and
stay-at-home moms. Here I will list a few of the possible misunderstandings
about Stay-at-home daughters (Also called Daughters at home).
Just like homeschoolers, DAH (Daughters at home) may be viewed as victims
of abusive or controlling parents. While this may be true in some instances but
in my case I have chosen to be a DAH because that is what makes the most sense to me.
I have no plan
I can imagine that upon hearing I am willingly staying at home after high school graduation,
some readers may assume I have no plan to further my education. Or possibly think I am going to
twaddle away the days dreaming of my prince charming. Again, this would be another false assumption to make.
Filling my days with productive activities does take a little more creativity than if I took classes arranged
by someone else but it also makes me more flexible. Being more flexible gives me a great
advantage in helping my family.
What it is
Busy as a bee (or a Proverbs 31 woman in training)
I have recently graduated and already I see multiple areas that need a great deal of improving.
Cooking, quilting, sewing, gardening, and cleaning (and more)! But I love being at home where
my talents and skills are put to the best use.
What better place to practice love, joy, peace than in a busy, family atmosphere?
Living with 5 siblings is the perfect place to practice patience and kindness.
Goodness and faithfulness are exercised in any household task. Gentleness and
self-control take place when you cut your brothers hair :) .
All the fruits of the spirit are best developed in the home.
Higher education is higher education whether you pursue it at a college campus, online or training at home.
Shouldn’t I go through some sort of college course just in case? You may ask; Well, I could.
But why spend the money and time learning things that don’t apply to my field of interest (Daughterhood and Motherhood)?
Yes, I could learn a few skills that would be useful to me but so could a career pursuant lady from training at home.
What if I don’t get married? Then I don’t get married. It’s not my goal anyway.
My main goal is to please my Lord and Savior and if I can best do it by staying home then stay home I will!
Real life tells us most women do get married. Why prepare to live my life single when most women get married?
Wouldn’t it make more sense to prepare to be married and trust Yahweh to work it out which ever direction He leads?
A few other potential objections to being a Daughter-at-home
Pursue your DREAMS!
To help me get my point across I am going to make up a character. Let’s call her Nan.
Nan is a 30 something woman who has recently come out of the bondage of home life.
She has broken free from her role as wife and mother for the nobler title of ‘Career woman’.
Nan is going to dialogue with me about what society thinks of DAH (Daughters-at-home).
Nan: Why waste your time at home when you can be pursuing your dreams!
Times are changing and you are no longer a slave to the home and family.
Me: If I should really pursue my dreams as you say, Nan, then I believe that I already am! My
dreams are nothing but following God’s will for my life. And His will for my life right now is
to be a Daughter-at-home. Being a DAH prepares me for what I hope to be some day. A stay-at-home mommy :)
Nan: When I first got married I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom so that I could be home with my children.
But trust me… after 3 years of crying babies and poopy diapers I had enough. Thankfully,
I had the sense to go to college before I married and getting a job wasn’t too difficult.
Go to school and get your degree so that when you get married and have kids you won’t have to
go to school later on to get your job.
Me: Thank you for you suggestions Nan but the book of Titus says that a woman is to be busy at home.
I know that it wouldn’t always be easy taking care of crying babies and changing poopy diapers
but that’s not a reason for me to give up and leave my children. Sometimes life is hard and that goes for career women too.
Nan: Don’t you see how selfish you are being- society needs more women in the workplace!
Me: Actually Nan, I know you’re just trying to help, but we really need more daughters-at-home.
We have the time and skills to visit the elderly, the time and ability to mentor younger girls and
encouraging them in their walk with Yahweh. Society needs the single woman to focus on the things of God
and not on the things of the world! What society needs is daughters with a willingness to serve busy mothers and
their own families.
This is why talking to people about my choice can be somewhat of a sticky situation.
It’s very hard not to come across as rude or judgmental. For the most part people have been very nice
about my decision (at least on the outside!) but I have heard and read about girls who have made the same
choice and have faced hearty criticism and snarky replies.
Here are some examples of usual responses I get:
Man: So, when do you graduate?
Me: I have already graduated.
Man: Oh, where are you going to college?
Me: Actually… I have made the unpopular choice of staying home.
Man: Oh, really?
Me: Yes, and I am training at home to be what I really want to be
Man: What is that? (eyebrows raised)
Me: A stay-at- home wife and mother
Man: That is WONDERFUL! My wife was a stay-at-home mom and it was awesome! I think that’s just awesome!
I have had quite a few responses like that from married men asking me where I am going
to college ( Men like; the father of a kid I babysat for a while, my friend’s dad, my mom’s chiropractor, the doctor who
pulled my wisdom teeth out…etc.)
Women usually have a slightly different
Here is the usual beginning of the conversation followed by a few responses I have gotten.
Woman: Where are you going to college?
Me: Actually, I am staying at home to prepare to be a stay-at-home mom
Woman 1: Oh (in a cold voice)
Me: Yep, that’s what I’m doing heheh (nervous laugh because I know she’s a career woman)
Woman 1: well, we all have our own thing…Got to follow our own hearts…
Woman 2: Oh…
Me: I’ve always wanted to be a wife and mother…
Woman 2: Well you should at least take some classes on psychology. I did that and it really helped me raise my kids.
Woman 2: Yep, my mom told me I should and it really helped
Woman 3: WHAT! You aren’t engaged are you?
Me: No. God will bring the right one at the right time
Woman 3: phew! You don’t want to get married that young, honey.
Another woman in the room: I was gonna say- don’t rush into anything
Many women offer me a suggestion or two while the men are usually very enthusiastic and commend me for my choice.
When I first chose to be a stay-at-home daughter I didn’t know how people were going to react!
I knew that when my older sister made the choice she had to face lectures and scorn from some people.
I was pleasantly surprised by the reactions of most people. But I also have not had to voice my choice to an out spoken feminist.
Being a stay-at-home daughter is my choice and I must make the choice based on my undertanding
of Scripture and God's will for my life.
So what do you think? What lifestyle do you believe the bible supports for women?
Serious question to think about: What defines your dreams and goals? God’s word or The World?